Breaking Lost Love

Breaking

There we stood firmly hand in hand forever

until we realized our embrace was strangulation

hand in bloody hand we kept on falling together

never giving up as we decayed to separation

.

for I was the stonewall and you were the wind

beating me slowly but ever surely down to dust

though we had fought hard to be together again

we fought harder to watch our stainless hearts rust

.

so I’m sure you remember; I just can’t forget

the way our life once used to be

now we never talk and I’ve come to fret

when you curse out a name it’s me

Lost

rain beat down and this heart poured forth

the darkest of woes that haunted my head

trickling trepidation ’till I lost my North

giving into the vices that I’ve come to dread

.

all alone I came to love the cold and the silence

I wanted the blackest sky to match my soul

it grew into a monster of self-loathing and violence

a beast from the depths I just couldn’t control

.

so I betrayed my brain and my body

splitting and splicing every cell for it’s worth

with lines of scars painted on skin so shoddy

you could almost make out every tear, every word

Love

I’ve come to realize that all wounds must bleed

for better or for worse there are days to cry all night

I now understand there is nothing that I need

more than a beautiful soul to make these wrongs right

.

so I found a flame like nothing here on Earth

a star amongst the void of time and space itself

the brightest in the sky for which I have searched

a gorgeous golden heart of unimaginable wealth

.

and I see the universe deep in her eyes

the same ones I dream of before I fall to slumber

the ones that give me endless butterflies

thinking of her beauty as I wish and I wonder

The Egyptian Skyline

There grew dark days indeed, deviously conceived

from devilish and dreadful heads

playing piper in this picturesque painting of ruin

till their palms grew cold and dead

forged from charcoal I saw their gnarled souls

wrapping blackened and broken-down hearts

bloodletting vice as if the blade of this knife

brutalized their bodies for beauty and parts

so I dream every night of this terrible fight

against axes and swords and scythes

slicing finger tips and lives, each ready to die

when pens and points come to collect and write

and I looked in your eyes with my smiles and cries

senselessly spilling their fury upon this land

touching The Edge into flesh at the left of your chest

as your bones became not but dust and sand

_____________

the doomed look of demise I’ve tried and I’ve tried

to forget but I remember the horror so well

it’s the terror received from this steel as you’ve been

the lead role in this tragic, old tale that I tell

except you didn’t stop when your hands got caught

by a quicker man’s strike with the tip of his knife

and watching them drop it was victory we sought

kissing throats with the purpose to snuff out a light

~Never Break the Heart of a Murderous Bastard~

Rock Bottom

Emptiness stole my soul from me

and drank every drop of forsaken blood

watching my heart tear in half and pieces

from more than just broken, unholy love

this laborious lifetime of long, lost regrets

sold my happiness just as a blasphemous traitor

like the feeling of swallowing shards of glass

only to vomit each and every razor later

__________

so when reality came crashing on down

I drank for forty days and forty nights all alone

I never wanted to stop as I desperately tried to drown

myself with anything as my heart turned to stone

now I’d like to promise when I smile it’s true

but the lie in bent lips is like the calm of the ocean

beneath placid surfaces the raging tide is a brute

swallowing up the land in a single, fluid motion

and I’d love to tell you life was mine for the taking

but instead It took me and twisted my mind

kept everything I’d ever care for away from me

cut off my limbs and made my heart blind

now sitting in the quiet of cold winter nights

waiting to test my rope; going toe to toe with fate

I realize this whole time I’ve never seen the light

just the glow my world burning down would create

__________________________________

so please don’t cry for me Angel

we never had a chance when I fell

my heart was throttled and strangled

the day Kharon took my soul to Hell

White Noise Radio Chatter

I

I didn’t want to hear anything,

not listen to what goes on;

burned out from all the drivel-

and so I rode along.

Off into the desert void-

on the full moon’s night;

Mirror lenses hiding wild eyes;

the brakes are hot; there’s no headlight.

Rocketing across this endless straightway;

the rubber peeling from walls of white.

Drop-top Caddy: gloss black and chrome;

With tail-fin trails in crimson flight.

Then the radio static played-

and I began to sing along.

Into the endless desert void-

between the right and wrong

II

I used to want to listen.

I was hanging on every word.

A slave to the sounds within the silence;

When they spoke their pain was all I heard.

I began to paint myself Van Gogh;

Like this beast I’m chopped and dropped.

Locked inside a screaming deathtrap;

Madman on a tear and I can’t stop.

So I keep ripping gears;

Roaring throughout this night.

I’m off into the void;

Out of time and out of sight.

Cranking the radio static-

it was all that I could hear.

Barrelling into the blackness;

Full of fuel and without fear.

III

I was deaf to the world.

My ears were pierced and bleeding.

The moon was rising quick;

Not a single star receding.

The thunder of the engine-

rumbled through my chest.

I could feel it in my lungs.

I can taste it on my breath.

This well-oiled metal monster-

of fire and smoke and heat-

is a stallion upon the blacktop;

Just the windless highway and me.

Like a man possessed I raced;

off into the desert night.

The radio static: an oldies ballad;

as I cut through the void-

on the hunt for my mind.

Gun Metal

The sun was setting

The stars were all falling

And both my eyes were blind

I found solace at night

With the moon so bright

But it too will fade in time

Every heartbeat’s unstable

worried I’m not able

To win this battle

Or break the line

These iron sights narrow

Biting this steel barrel

The gun metal grey

Tastes just like wine

….

The moon began rising

The stars were all calling

But all I had left

Was this broken heart of mine

And these hands, so bloody

Cut, shattered, and muddy

Left my body in pieces

They’ve ravaged my mind

So I spent lonely nights

With silence and my knives

Howling like the wolves

On the hunt to survive

But these winters are cold

They’ve frozen my soul

And the gun metal grey

Still tastes just like wine

….

The sky was roaring

When the storm came rolling

Vantablack on the horizon

I knew this wasn’t fine

And for the first time

In a long, long while

I’m scared for the end

And I don’t know why

I guess it’s the pain

Of being caught in the rain

At least in the downpour

They can’t see you cry

So let’s chamber a round

There’s peace to be found

In the smell of spent shells

When lives drop like a dime

And I’ve told them all

There was no need to call

They know gun metal grey

Tastes just like sweet wine

Starlight Vol. III

I watched the rainfall

Warm and wet and seeping from these eyes

Watched the lightning crack the sky

Silhouette her as she left that night

Maybe I should have ran to her

Till my lungs burned and my knees collapsed

But I never deserved her strength or beauty

And I don’t want to believe

But she’s not coming back…

_______

So I keep busy to pass the time

Still her face is in the sun and the stars

From mo(u)rning to evening she’s on my mind

Everything that was and wasn’t

Only a dream of mine

______

When we talk I wish I could tell you

How you’ve taken my heart

But your answers are short and business casual

So I keep silent as I tear apart

And I’ll pretend I’m alright

although we know I’m not

I’ve stolen your smile too many times by now

My heart ever-twisting at the very thought

Like drowning; I’m breathless, I’m breaking, I’m lost.

____

Sunflower, please tell me

How does your garden grow

I waited so long to find a bloom like you

But after this storm all I have to show

Is the toothbrush you left I see everyday

I can’t bring myself to throw

_____

Ab Imo Pectore

Moonlight

I keep wishing this was all a dream

It was suppose to be so much different

If only I had stayed humble and sober

And never let the best in you

See the worst in me

I keep praying this is not what it seems

That I’ll wake up tomorrow

And everything will be alright

But I see the signs and I’m deathly afraid

You’re leaving just as I saw in my Eye

And I keep begging someone else’s God

I’m asleep and you’re still laying next to me

With warm heart and bright eyes

And angel wings wrapping your body

The gift from Heaven

I never deserved

……..

I weep for all the days

We will never spend together

And for all the pieces of my heart

The last one, I gave to you.

Sunshine

These days have been hard and the nights long.

I have no one to blame but myself.

There’s no moon out in the sky tonight.

The sun stopped shining. There is no light.

…

I just wanted to be your gentle beast again.

Your partner, your lover, your passion, your friend.

But I showed you a side that isn’t truly me;

A chemical monster I wish I couldn’t believe.

…

So I wonder at night if you’re thinking of me.

I know I’m here dreaming of you.

Wrapped in this sadness and a pile of pillows.

Sending you love so you’ll see what’s true.

…

I just want to be your gentle beast again.

Make you feel safe; be there in the end

These aren’t just words as they spill from my soul:

You’ll never regret our love, growing old

Sunflower,

I’m sorry.

I’m waiting on your call.

I’m a wasteland without you

Just waiting for a bloom

To blossom our world

…

Amor Vincit Omnia

Sic Itur Ad Astra

I felt the gentle heartbeat of apathy

Blanket this world and steal its color.

The cold embrace of cardiac atrophy

Left synapses snapping in horror and wonder.

And lines once walked now faded with time

Caused us to jump rails and barrel tracks;

And I swear to God that before we were fine

Now a freight of anxiety when this panic attacks.

So believe me when I whisper

This is the calm before the fall;

Like playing a tune that’s utterly note-less.

I was nauseous, vomiting, and sick of it all…

Forever 27

It all started off as some bad joke

Till the blood began pouring in my lungs

These eyes full of fear; I gurgled and choked

My soul full of happiness as my last stanza’s spoke

The long song is over

…..

This heart hard as steel screamed as you tried

To hammer past the walls it had built in time

As the sound overtook me I shook and I cried

I’ve been waiting so long just to finally die

So down the road we go

…..

I was lost at sea without love for anyone

Spending waking moments trying to forget

Carving this flesh for pain and for fun

Now loneliness is a feeling I’ve come to resent

Standing here on The Edge

…..

Slowly I fell in deep love with Death

Giving her tulips and my secrets at night

Her kiss was the one that stole away my breath

She took me in her bosom and robbed me of life

I’m dying to marry Her

…..

I dragged my fag with casual grip.

The smell of gasoline thick in my nose

With flames on my tongue I cursed and I spit

Smoked-out with no words left to compose

27 forever and ever and ever…..

Stuck and Stoned

Every time I looked down I saw blood

Mine own, someone else’s

this must be how we’ve come to show love

through self-hatred and degradation

.

then I saw The Storm on the horizon

fierce wind and wondrous, electric fingers

I didn’t say anything to anyone

for I was fully loaded, cocked, and hair-triggered

.

I red-lined my heart with memories

everything, everyone I could never let go of and more

tasted the crimson your left hook drew

sending love with a right that holds a harder four

.

so when I talk of battles know they were long

too savage to ever escape my tongue

silent like a soldier who has seen too much

all while dying fast and living young…

 

The Boy With Broken Hearts

 

I wish everything had gone differently

but no one made it here in time

like the night I wish I had actually drowned

instead of treading water and swallowing more 

and even as I watched the boat pulling away

I wanted those lights to disappear

“Don’t fucking come back.” I whispered

too bad they didn’t hear…

.

So I dropped 4 gears and my transmission

smoking these tires down to the glowing rim

from a light red enough to match this crimson

crying so profusely I’m sure I haven’t stopped

and I realized as I almost kissed the concrete 

in pure and just apathy

my world is one of emptiness and despair

too bad I never told anyone…

.

I opened the first of many “last bottles”

wrote a note to someone who doesn’t care

stained more tobacco on my fingers

and felt my cardiac muscle skipping beats

but as these unsure hands poured another glass

I wished I’d chosen a different means of death

something quicker than numbness and stupor

too bad no one ever understood…

.

Then I kept on studying the poems I carved

wondering if this art was worth the cost

pondering what I’ll tell my children

or theirs, or anyone, anywhere, ever at all

so I’ve been going to exhibitions

reading between lines like a savant

falling in love with imminent death

too bad it’s unrequited at heart…

 

Avtomat Kalishnikova: Model of 1947

There are things you never forget

the taste of blood on your tongue

the feel of hot metal in your wound

and the time it took to recover…

……..

spitting echoes out in the distance

the crack of emptying gun magazines

belt-fed, armor-piercing death blooms

planting their molten seeds

budding the end of a world

for some (un)known son or daughter

somewhere, someway, everyday for anyone

the prosperous harvest to this slaughter

……..

so I ripped my cloves till they glowed

these cold irons sighted, I felt like a fiend

with smoking chambers and vacant shells

the whole nine yards, gone like a dream

II

There are people you can’t forget

or the taste of her lips on yours

the beat of your heart in her hand

and the years it took to (n)ever remember…

……

I felt the impact of lead into earth

the loveless thud of slugs into dirt

the pain and the glory from incendiary birth

and the liters of crimson to measure our worth

so I choked up and turned at ten paces

no end in sight, I felt my trigger slip

gunslinging curses and spewing out .50s

jacking round after round into clip after clip

…….

hard I pulled the bolt action back

Sending it home over the sound of you scream

I’ve come here to do The Devils work

the whole nine yards, gone like a dream